Sorcery Slam: Wrestling the Witch Finder General (ft. Tom GK)

Suffolk, 1645. The English Civil War is raging, self-appointed Witch Finder General Matthew Hopkins is terrorising East Anglia, and Tan has just landed in Bury St Edmunds as "Tom Dandelion" with a Halloween mission: shut down the most notorious witch hunter in English history. His toolkit? Three rational arguments, a Zangief-style spinning pile driver, and the willingness to turn 17th-century justice into a Royal Rumble.

Tan's opening move is to call the townsfolk ignorant oafs and demand to see someone important. This goes about as well as you'd expect. Hopkins challenges him to a public debate on witchcraft, and Tan comes armed with logic: witches don't exist, everyone you've ducked has drowned, crop failures aren't magic. The problem is that the Enlightenment hasn't happened yet and these people are very much in the mood for a burning, so when reason fails, there's always Street Fighter. Tom GK voices the Game Master for Season 2's opener.

Hopkins was the real deal — responsible for over 300 deaths during his brief, brutal campaign across Suffolk, Essex, and Norfolk. He used sleep deprivation, "swimming" tests, and teams of "prickers" who'd stab suspects with needles looking for marks. Whether Tan can defeat witch-hunting superstition through a combination of Enlightenment philosophy and professional wrestling remains to be seen. A blacksmith, a farmer with a scythe, and a muscular baker with a rolling pin all have opinions.