Napoleon Stows Away on HMS Victory (ft. Nick Horseman)

HMS Victory, 1805. Admiral Nelson is preparing for the Battle of Trafalgar, and Nick Horseman has just boarded as "Baron Cuthbert Wanklethorpe" — a name he insists is the most British thing imaginable. His mission: befriend Nelson, learn his naval tactics, and turn them into a board game. The kind of ambition that gets you either a knighthood or a hanging.

Nick chose this era for personal reasons: his three-year-old son is obsessed with Nelson, has books about him, has visited his tomb at St Paul's, and rates him above Batman. So naturally, Dad's plan is to get on Nelson's flagship and pitch him a Risk knockoff. The complication? Ryan planted a secret objective in the prompt requiring Napoleon Bonaparte to appear regardless of era, so Napoleon materialises as a stowaway below deck on his own enemy's ship and Nick has to improvise a double-agent cover story on the spot. Whether "my name is Wanklethorpe, for God's sake" counts as proof of British loyalty remains to be tested.

Trafalgar secured British naval supremacy for a century — Nelson's masterpiece, fought and won at the cost of his own life. The real HMS Victory carried 821 men into battle. It's now carrying Baron Wanklethorpe, a stowaway French emperor, and a business plan for a naval board game. The Admiral has questions.